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tearing myself apart... [entries|friends|calendar]
depressed lil' child

tattered and torn
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[03.29.2005 // 05:22pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

[0010] make me hurt.

tee hee hee [02.02.2005 // 06:38am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

The Great LiveJournal
Outage of 2005

During the outage I attempted to contact people I have spoken to online through a phone line. I heard voices, it was so strange.

What did you do?

Brought to you by geek-foo

make me hurt.

[01.24.2005 // 01:22pm]
[ mood | headbanging...wooo ]

yay! i cut my hair woot woot ^.^ it was very tramatizing(sp) but it had to be done...my hair was like down to my ass and now it sits on shoulder its sweet and i dyed it black with red streaks and im straightening it tonight

woot i just learned how to start a stick shift car lol

ok woot bye

[001] make me hurt.

[01.24.2005 // 12:40pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Have we ever had sex?

33. Do you miss me?

34. Do you think i miss you?

35. Are you going to put this on your LIVEJOURNAL and see what I say about you?

[001] make me hurt.

[01.19.2005 // 11:47am]
[ mood | wtf? AHHHH ]


well these past couple of weeks have been pretty good, nothing too depressing...except for wishing for him *sigh*

well christmas what pretty good...accually really good I GOT TICKETS TO THE USED AND MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, THANK YOU THANK YOU VERY MUCH


ok back to the real world...well my sister got me those tickets and i like cried lol because ive been wanting to see the used for the longest time its crazy...and of course who am i gonna bring RACHAEL AND COREY!!! who else really i love rachael and corey they are my homeboys <3333


im sorry im in a weird mood right now lol
but yeah i got the used maybe memories dvd and its awesome thsi is my third time watching it .....i love bert not more than corey but mm mm i love him lol well im gonna go watch it now


[005] make me hurt.

[12.15.2004 // 03:13pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

DAMNIT i want mpre people to start commenting to my journal...its just like me talking to myself here...DONT YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME ANYMORE!!!!

haha im just kidding...i dont find my life interesting so why should i find other people to find it interesting lol

ok first off R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell

ok christmas is in 10 days and i havent even got half of my shopping done AHHHH!!! well its pretty hard when you dont have a job...but unfortunately i might be getting it back this week...so i will just finish christmas shopping and then i will probably quit again lol well ok thats all i want to type byee

[005] make me hurt.

i walk alone... [12.02.2004 // 08:56am]
[ mood | tired ]

as some of you can see i took all the stuff out of my journal that was making me upset still...so that i can start over this journal thing new and not get more depressed over it

well on more exciting new i quit my job..it was bound to happen sooner or later...i just shouldnt have quit when i did, christmas is coming up and i have so much people that i need to buy for and no job...so what i need to do is find a job quick and do pretty much last minute shopping...my sister said i might be able to get a job with her at dunkin donuts...ill take any job right now really.

well im grounded from my computer and im not suppose to be on it right now shhhh...i got bad grades on my report card i failed spanish and pretty much the rest of the grades were d's except for geometry which was a b ...ohhh and i got a c in parenting...damn that shows im gonna be a bad parent yeah well whatever..my mom said that i cant go back on the computer till my next report card which sucks because i hate sneaking around to go on it...but i think if i start to do good and my progress reports do good then i can go back on the computer

i really do hate school i really dont see the point in it unless you want to go to college...i mean i guess i want to go to college if what i want to do doesnt fall back...i really want to be in a band ive been thinking about it and thats its cool but i really decided that is what i want to do...i want to be in a band i want to become famous i want to doi what i want to do...to be in a metal band you dont need fucking high schoool...high school is just full of all these stereotypes and i hate it...they should just make a high school for every individual person and then everything will be alright...they say that high school is the best years of your life...yeah if your a fucking prep or a jock it is because you get all the fucking glory...but what if your just an original person who likes different stuff than anyone else likes that makes you a bad person that makes you "not cool"...ok im gonna stop my rant now

[001] make me hurt.

[11.11.2004 // 09:33am]
[ mood | thirsty ]

hey i want a new LJ sn does anyone have any good ideas for me?

[007] make me hurt.

getting better... [10.09.2004 // 04:54pm]
[ mood | tired ]

hey everyone...i havent posted in a while because of some reasons...someoen told my guidance councelor at school about this journal and notified my mom and someone at school also told that i was cutting myself which i recently have been, and i just want to say that whoever it was...thank you because i am now getting help..ive been going to therapists and i think i finally found the one that i like...but i hope to be updating more often about good things though so dont worry...well i got to go back to work uggghh double shift o.0 later

[006] make me hurt.

poem... [09.01.2004 // 04:14pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Im living from moment to moment
Not even from day to day
It feels as if this darkness
Will never go away
Im cold so cold inside my soul
I cannot feel the sun
There once was a point to my existance
But now my race is run
I came last of course I always do
I never expected to win
But it would have been nice to have had a chance
To avoid this state Im in
I know theres one sure way to end it
To cease to feel the pain
But Im afraid that Id still be a failure
And wake to face it all again
I’m afraid to live, afraid to die
I cannot make a choice
So I suppose Ill just have to continue
In this dark and joyless life
Until I get desperate enough to choose
The Darkness or the Knife

this is a poem i have been working really hard on...tell me if you like it or not..

[004] make me hurt.

why do i continue to be like this... [08.31.2004 // 10:02am]
[ mood | crushed ]

heres another one of my depressed entrys....im not going to say his name but if he reads it he probably knows who he is and i really dont care because he has felt the same way about other girls...you know what i mean so depressed that you just canty stop crying over that one person...thats how i feel about him...i go out of my way just to see him or hear his voice or even hear his name. (does the word obsession come into mind) yes it does but i dont care this is how i feel...everytime im upset and crying its always over him...im trying to change myself to try and be the person that he likes, that he will look twice at, that he will talk to about anything, i dont know what i got to do but i am trying everything to try and change myself so he cares...

"everywhere i go, everyone i meet everytime i try to fall in love they all want to know why i am so broken why am i so cold why im so hard inside, why am i scared, what am i afraid of ...i dont even know...ive eben waiting, ive been searching ivebeen hoping, ive been dreaming you would come back..but i know the ending of this story your never coming back, NEVER"

make me hurt.

[08.30.2004 // 09:43pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

new layout by timetofade.
((sorry about writing in your journal,
just wanted to test the coding.))

- beth -
[006] make me hurt.

new thing.... [08.30.2004 // 02:45am]
[ mood | very annoyed by the shit on tv ]

this is my new layout type thing...if u like it comment and tell me...if u dont like it...comment and tell me..i want your honest opinions and tell me if i need to add or delete something...thanks..untill next time

[002] make me hurt.

...... [08.29.2004 // 11:41pm]

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

What's Your Problem? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who Would Slaughter You in a Horror Movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
[001] make me hurt.

hahahaha [08.26.2004 // 01:24pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Adopt Your Own Emo Kid!
[001] make me hurt.

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